Way to Go Sis!

She speaks English by ear ... meaning she will say words the way she hears it, the way it appears to her phonetically.

Her daughter is a die hard fan of the movie 'Twilight' and of course the main character, Edward Cullen.

We all went to the bookstore over the Chinese New Year Holidays to browse through the latest titles on the bookshelf.

I went up to my sis and asked, "What's your daughter looking for?"

Her reply?

"What else? The usual Edward Cullen's 'Toilet' "....

Oops.... :)

Of choices and Fate

She stops at the crossroads....not knowing whether to move forward, take the left turn or right. She pauses, looks around her...clueless and lost as to which path to take. Unsure of what lies at the end of each path. But decide she must - she has to move on. Staying put is not an option. She would get nowhere if she does not make that move. All will grind to a halt...to a standstill.

And then a sparkle of an idea flashes through her. Call it an insight? or a revelation? Either way she takes, fate awaits her at the end of the journey. Good or bad, she will not know, until and unless she moves on and take that trip into the unknown.Its only one path that we can take at one time. Whatever it is, staying put will not get her to any destination at all.

She thinks harder. The path she chooses is by fate too. If she chooses to go straight ahead, there is no sound or logical reason to support her except that she has chosen that path to be her fate. The adventure lies within the journey..the discoveries, the experiences that she will pick up along the way. It is the lesson to be learnt. If her fate is for goodness, will she learn to be grateful to the Omnipresent who has blessed her with kindness? On the other hand, if her fate is misfortune, will she curse the Lifegiver, the Sustainer of life for bestowing her with misfortunes? or will she learn to see where she goes wrong and try to rectify?...at the very least she can return to the beginning and choose another path..becoming the richer with experiences and life's living lessons. She realises then, in the end, the experiences gained and the lessons learnt is what that will make her life richer and her destination a blessed relief.

Good or bad, its the lesson she will gain from the path she walks on..no matter what the path is...for what is important is that at the end of the road she sees through it all, that the Divine is forever watching and forever near for her to turn to...anytime.

Less hesitantly now, and more sure of herself...she strides on.

Just a mind exercise to perk me up!

ummuahmadain.

HOPE

God has not promised skies always blue,
flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God has not promised sun without rain,
joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
But God has promised strength for the day,
rest for the labour, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
unfailing sympathy, undying love.

Just Ordinary Reflection

I have come to learn that, people who have been through a lot, goof up as equally many times as he has done well, do not tell people how much they have gone through. They do not advice people unless asked,they neither praise nor condemn. In short, they don't judge. They have been through so much that they know that anytime, anywhere, fate can twist your life around. And they of all people, know only too well, that what fate dictates is as how HE has ordained ,...and there is no use fretting or complaining. One just have to ride it through...and survive it as best as one can.
So how do we know they have been through a lot? Their calm disposition, their very few words, carefully and thoughtfully said, says it all.

This I have learnt, from people who have been through a lot.

Thoughts

Every so often I feel like I am falling into a dark abyss....the dismal feeling of helplessness, of despair so strong it grips itself around the heart until it just becomes too difficult to even draw in a breath....you struggle you gasp for life, to get out of the dark void....try desperately to hold on to something...but your frail fingers just only catch the thin cold air of...nothingness...

Until you decide, you are through with fighting...and you just let yourself drop slowly down the bottomless pit...surrendering yourself to fate...or whatever you may call it...to disappear into oblivion might be, or could be a blessing perhaps....it becomes okay to be invisible, to be a non-entity...mere nothingness....you just let go....you have had your share of struggling....and now you just want to let go...

Often...that is the time, when you find a hand reaching out to you...and pulling you back to the surface...and suddenly you know....you will be alright....you were not made to break....

Irony

Sometimes you just feel so tired ...and you ask yourself when will all this end? the trials, the tribulations, the test on life itself. You slog on from day to day, you struggle to overcome the personal problems.

You choose the right words to say ... and still you are misunderstood, you make decisions after giving your best deliberate thoughts ...and still you goof up. You wish the earth would swallow you up..but you find yourself standing on solid ground.

And you find yourself looking up to the sky and asking .. "What more? What next?"

Sometimes just when you think things couldnt get any more worse...bummer...they just find a way of getting more worse.

Yet at other times, just when you are about to give up, and surrender ....suddenly help and relief come in the way you least expect...

This is the time when you feel closer to HIM, that you feel HE is still watching, that you feel HE still cares...the test and trials are just by ways of making you stronger, making you a person of more substance.

At least, that is whatI choose to set my mind...to keep me going ....

My Hatchling Is Leaving The Nest

I woke up this morning with a terribly desperate feeling in my heart, and a great knot in my stomach. I just have today and tomorrow with my Noble One, before he leaves for Kelantan on a 7 week tour of Jati Diri (personal development) course. O my God! This is it! It has started - my son is going out on his own now into the big world. First this course; then when his SPM results come out, and insha-Allah I have full faith he will do excellently (has not let me down so far)...Insha-Allah it is off to Egypt for him.

I always know that this moment of him leaving home is inevitable; him being a young man and all. Alas ... I only have 2 of them, and when one goes, it will surely leave this gaping void within me. Heck, even if I had a dozen of them, I know I will surely feel the same.

And so I am torn between keeping what's mine close to me, whilst at the same time wishing him to make his mark in this world - to make something worthwhile out of his life. As a mother, sometimes we just have to do what is right ... and that is letting our hatchling try his luck on his own for his own life; at the same time praying really really hard he will have it easy throughout the journey of his life.

My baby is now an able bodied young man to the world ... but to me he is still my baby. It seemed like only yesterday I was still holding him in my arms nursing him. But now he stands a good head taller than me ... plus some.

I know when he is out there doing his thing on his own, my worries will begin again ... as to how is faring, if he is well and healthy, if he is eating well, if he is happy with friends, or if he is missing home. The worry starts again ...only this time it is on a different level.

He is excited to go, nay very eager. I must try not to dampen his spirits with my motherly melancholy.

And so ... go my son, and make your mark on God's earth. The world is at your disposal to help you achieve your goals and dreams. And your mom is always beside you, in your heart to pray for you and keep a watchful eye on you all along the way. Whenever you feel lost, alone or desolate, do not despair, just call on your Ummi, and I'll be there.

My Noble One, Ummi loves you as only a mother would understand. May Allah bless you at each and every step that you take. You have all my blessings and prayers.