HOPE

God has not promised skies always blue,
flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God has not promised sun without rain,
joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
But God has promised strength for the day,
rest for the labour, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
unfailing sympathy, undying love.

Just Ordinary Reflection

I have come to learn that, people who have been through a lot, goof up as equally many times as he has done well, do not tell people how much they have gone through. They do not advice people unless asked,they neither praise nor condemn. In short, they don't judge. They have been through so much that they know that anytime, anywhere, fate can twist your life around. And they of all people, know only too well, that what fate dictates is as how HE has ordained ,...and there is no use fretting or complaining. One just have to ride it through...and survive it as best as one can.
So how do we know they have been through a lot? Their calm disposition, their very few words, carefully and thoughtfully said, says it all.

This I have learnt, from people who have been through a lot.

Thoughts

Every so often I feel like I am falling into a dark abyss....the dismal feeling of helplessness, of despair so strong it grips itself around the heart until it just becomes too difficult to even draw in a breath....you struggle you gasp for life, to get out of the dark void....try desperately to hold on to something...but your frail fingers just only catch the thin cold air of...nothingness...

Until you decide, you are through with fighting...and you just let yourself drop slowly down the bottomless pit...surrendering yourself to fate...or whatever you may call it...to disappear into oblivion might be, or could be a blessing perhaps....it becomes okay to be invisible, to be a non-entity...mere nothingness....you just let go....you have had your share of struggling....and now you just want to let go...

Often...that is the time, when you find a hand reaching out to you...and pulling you back to the surface...and suddenly you know....you will be alright....you were not made to break....

Irony

Sometimes you just feel so tired ...and you ask yourself when will all this end? the trials, the tribulations, the test on life itself. You slog on from day to day, you struggle to overcome the personal problems.

You choose the right words to say ... and still you are misunderstood, you make decisions after giving your best deliberate thoughts ...and still you goof up. You wish the earth would swallow you up..but you find yourself standing on solid ground.

And you find yourself looking up to the sky and asking .. "What more? What next?"

Sometimes just when you think things couldnt get any more worse...bummer...they just find a way of getting more worse.

Yet at other times, just when you are about to give up, and surrender ....suddenly help and relief come in the way you least expect...

This is the time when you feel closer to HIM, that you feel HE is still watching, that you feel HE still cares...the test and trials are just by ways of making you stronger, making you a person of more substance.

At least, that is whatI choose to set my mind...to keep me going ....

My Hatchling Is Leaving The Nest

I woke up this morning with a terribly desperate feeling in my heart, and a great knot in my stomach. I just have today and tomorrow with my Noble One, before he leaves for Kelantan on a 7 week tour of Jati Diri (personal development) course. O my God! This is it! It has started - my son is going out on his own now into the big world. First this course; then when his SPM results come out, and insha-Allah I have full faith he will do excellently (has not let me down so far)...Insha-Allah it is off to Egypt for him.

I always know that this moment of him leaving home is inevitable; him being a young man and all. Alas ... I only have 2 of them, and when one goes, it will surely leave this gaping void within me. Heck, even if I had a dozen of them, I know I will surely feel the same.

And so I am torn between keeping what's mine close to me, whilst at the same time wishing him to make his mark in this world - to make something worthwhile out of his life. As a mother, sometimes we just have to do what is right ... and that is letting our hatchling try his luck on his own for his own life; at the same time praying really really hard he will have it easy throughout the journey of his life.

My baby is now an able bodied young man to the world ... but to me he is still my baby. It seemed like only yesterday I was still holding him in my arms nursing him. But now he stands a good head taller than me ... plus some.

I know when he is out there doing his thing on his own, my worries will begin again ... as to how is faring, if he is well and healthy, if he is eating well, if he is happy with friends, or if he is missing home. The worry starts again ...only this time it is on a different level.

He is excited to go, nay very eager. I must try not to dampen his spirits with my motherly melancholy.

And so ... go my son, and make your mark on God's earth. The world is at your disposal to help you achieve your goals and dreams. And your mom is always beside you, in your heart to pray for you and keep a watchful eye on you all along the way. Whenever you feel lost, alone or desolate, do not despair, just call on your Ummi, and I'll be there.

My Noble One, Ummi loves you as only a mother would understand. May Allah bless you at each and every step that you take. You have all my blessings and prayers.

Usher In A New Year

Yesterday, 18th December marked the new year 1431 Hijriah in the Muslim calendar. The pilgrims have started to return to their homeland.

I am just a science teacher, a wife, a mother of 2 boys, living in a small town near the capital of my country, working in an all boys' multiracial secondary school. I go to school in the morning, come back in the afternoon, rest a bit before I go fetch my boys from school in the evening. During the weekend, I try to meet up with my siblings. In my free time, I read, I blog, I write.

Just living an ordinary life. My family means the world to me; I enjoy being with my students. I contribute to my society wherever I can, in my own way.

I am a Muslim...and on this auspicious day...I just pray for peace - on God's earth; and peace of mind - for all! Ameen.

Of Long Lost Friends

Today, I received a message with a class photo when I was in Form Five. The reason my friend had sent me that photo is because we had just reconnected after 30 years and I, for the life of me, could place neither his name nor his face to my memory bank. Absolute blank...nothing. I bashed my brain but to no avail; until finally all I could do was, unabashedly asked if we belonged to the same class, and, if he had any photo from that time, if he could please send or show it to me.

He did.

And suddenly all the surge of memories came rushing back to me. And I got transported back to those yester years. It was such a nostalgic stroll back down memory lane. The familiar faces. Looking at friends who were closer to me then – jolted memories of jokes exchanged, pranks played and sadness shared living in a boarding school. So much fun then; I can almost hear the laughter and forbidden giggles, feel again the quiet infatuation of an awkward teenager, and the silent envy at the smarter ones in class.

So it is just too sad to even think how I could ever forget some of my classmates! But forget I did. Not until I was shown the photo again. I guess my memories of my final year in school just froze in time since then. In my mind, those friends whom I have not seen or spoken with since just stopped growing. There they stayed in my memory box as young 17-year-old teenagers. And as a gawky, shy teenager, I simply cannot believe it now that I hardly spoke to some of the boys; this particular friend included. So much so he said that it is good we were actually finally having a conversation. I totally agree with him ... better late than never.

Do I regret I was less friendly then? Regret – possibly not, because I knew then, as I know now that it was not out of unfriendliness, but more of being shy and possibly timid too. That was me back then. But I do feel that sense of “missing out on something” because of how I was then. Perhaps being a quiet, studious girl was rather intimidating to some friends of the opposite gender too. Who knows ... If I could turn back the clock, I would possibly reduce my overtly serious disposition and be bold enough to speak up when the situation called for it at that time. It is rather ironic considering I was in the School English Debating Team. One would have thought I would be such a bossy, loud-mouthed, argumentative girl then. (Phew...thank God I wasn’t!). But still, it is such a pity that as a result of that, I ended up not remembering some of my classmates.

One good thing though, I may have forgotten their names and not recognised them by how they look now, but when brought back again to those good old days, recognition is almost immediate, even though their names still slip my mind. Just goes to show me that, they are still there with me, inside of me ... all those dear long lost friends o’ mine.

Some close to me have passed on, may God bless their souls, and some have married each other. Whatever it is, now that I have been given this second chance of coming into contact with them, I can only pray, that this time I am a better friend to one and all.
To this particular friend who has jolted my memories again, THANK YOU 