The Curse on Me - Because I Write

I never say I am always right,
I just write
I never am a beacon of light
I just write
I never claim to have any insight
I just write

When I see sadness, I sympathise
That is me as I am
When I see confusion, I empathise
That is me as I am
When I see happiness, I rejoice
That is me as I am

For what purpose am I being judged
Because I write?
For what truth has my right been violated
Because I write?
For what need am I to be ousted
Because I write?

Good is good, wrong is wrong
I write what I write; do not judge me for who I am
For the weak, I pen words which are strong
I write what I write; do not judge me for who I am
For the broken-hearted, I pen words which comfort and inspire
I write what I write; do not judge me for who I am
For the determined. I pen words which aspire
I write what I write; do not judge me for who I am

I write as a woman, as a woman would understand
For I am a woman
I write as a mother, as a child would understand
For I am a mother
I write as a child, as a mother would understand
For I am a child
I write as a sister, as a brother would understand
For I am a sister
I write as a lover. as a lover would understand
For I am full of love,
I write as FRIEND...as only a friend would understand
No matter if I a woman, a mother, a child, a sister, a lover be
For friendship transcends status and decree
time and space,
action and face.

At any moment in time,
I come as I am, I write what I write
With nothing but this in mind
For the love of my fellow friends- the women in them, my friends- the children in them,my friends- the brothers they are, my friends whoever they may be..
I feel in me all these that you feel ever so strongly
I wish I dont have it in me...cursed be for me if I am understood wrongly, and judged unfairly
and no matter who I am, as perceived
I am just me...I am only who you want me to be, but you do not see,
Because I write....because of the writer.....in me.
This is my testimony
~UmmuAhmadain
25/10/09

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down on as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim.
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black,
Oh I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has mde all the difference
~Robert Frost

Homecoming

V
I've learnt
the ways of the rude
to hold reality in a a new logic
debate with hard and loud facts;
but I too am humble, respecting
man and life

VI
I am not a new man
not very different from you
the people and cities
of coastal parts
taught me not to brood
over a foreign world,
suffer difficulties
or fear possibilities
I am you
freed from the village,
its soils and ways
independent, because
I have found myself

~Si Tenggang's Homecoming

Double Deception

She stood staring into space. Roughly wiping away the silent lone tear that had escaped her eye. She had promised herself not to cry - "all in the line of duty"....she had rebuked herself.

Absently reaching out for her half filled cup of black coffee, Rita recalled the conversation that had ensued between her and Robbie. Aaah...Robbie! Rita could never be sure which side he was on; she was sure of one thing - he was a double agent in all this charade...where it benefits him.

"Hey Rita, believe me. I am on your side. I am telling you that they have discovered your guise; so you better watch out. They have managed to break the code. Get out whilst you can," he had adviced emphatically. "Now!"

Putting back the cup which was already barely an inch away from her down-turned lips, Rita wiped another runaway tear. Damn those agents ; thinking they are doing good to expose her! What do they know of her job - her task at hand? That she is a mole herself! There are other agents who already knew of her task in the syndicate. In fact, it was the Godfather himself who had asked her to go into being a mole.

Rita shook her head in disbelief.! A cynical smirk crossed her face momentarily.

Who do these puny agents think they are? Do gooders for the society? It was an action borne out of self conceited interest that made them dig relentlessly to undiscover the code - her code! A snigger escaped her - its no wonder one was rejected by her previous employer; and the other two were whimpering stragglers; trailing pathetically after others! And they were not satisfied. O no! They were not! It should have been them to hit the mark. Who is this Rita, this "mole" to make the hit? To get the credit; to crack into the syndicate. And thats when they actually believed it to spy on, and transgress on her privacy...calling her an impostor. And they had all confided in Robbie. Poor shallow minds - dont they know that Robbie is a double agent and that the mole has Godfather's consent. THE Godfather whom they emulate and go out of their way to please. Dont they realise that there are other agents who actually know that she was a mole in the syndicate? Yet they played along; including Robbie; just to keep the syndicate going.

In the end, the three puny agents only prove to expose their shallowness, and to the length they would go to show themselves as the savior, whence it was actually their selfishness, their greed and their shallowness thinking they could hit what Rita had achieved.

But how sad - in their zeal to expose Rita, they have maliciously subjected her to open exposure without much care about why she became a mole, under Godfather's advice and consent of course. They only saw what they wanted to see - Rita the double crosser, the impostor. They gloated with glee when they had thought they had exposed Rita; but little do they know how malicious they have been in the act - destroying he only means to security and peace of mind, as Godfather had been trying to help her in her line of duty.

She heaved a heavy sigh. Those puny agents will forever remain pathetically losers for as long as they try to devour other agents for puny gains. Rita reached out to the telephone and dialled.

"Godfather, I am out. I cant risk my peace of mind being robbed by these backstabs from others of my kind. Send me back to solitary confinement please."

She could hear the sharp intake of breath from Godfather. She knew he was stunned that within the syndicate, agents could backfire on his own people.

"Alright mole...you're out. We will talk later." The phone went dead.

Rita finally took the sip; oblivious that the coffee had gone very cold...and bitter. It was refreshing and rejuvenating - she welcomes solitary confinement anytime; to deceitful, selfish minds of puny agents who are deluded thinking they are doing the syndicate good.

Finally, that glint of mischief could be seen so briefly in her eyes as she started to smile softly.
"Mission accomplished....I showed them I am still THE MOLE"

How's that for an excerpt of a novel....alhamdulillah..I still have it

The Character of A Happy Life

How happy is he born and taught
That serveth not another's will;
Whose armour is his honest thought,
And simple truth his utmost skill!

Whose passions not his masters are;
Whose soul is still prepared for death,
Untied unto the world by care
Of public fame or private breath.

This man is freed from servile bands
Of hope to rise or fear to fall;
Lord of himself, though not of lands,
And having nothing, yet hath all!

Sir Henry Wotton