My Hatchling Is Leaving The Nest

I woke up this morning with a terribly desperate feeling in my heart, and a great knot in my stomach. I just have today and tomorrow with my Noble One, before he leaves for Kelantan on a 7 week tour of Jati Diri (personal development) course. O my God! This is it! It has started - my son is going out on his own now into the big world. First this course; then when his SPM results come out, and insha-Allah I have full faith he will do excellently (has not let me down so far)...Insha-Allah it is off to Egypt for him.

I always know that this moment of him leaving home is inevitable; him being a young man and all. Alas ... I only have 2 of them, and when one goes, it will surely leave this gaping void within me. Heck, even if I had a dozen of them, I know I will surely feel the same.

And so I am torn between keeping what's mine close to me, whilst at the same time wishing him to make his mark in this world - to make something worthwhile out of his life. As a mother, sometimes we just have to do what is right ... and that is letting our hatchling try his luck on his own for his own life; at the same time praying really really hard he will have it easy throughout the journey of his life.

My baby is now an able bodied young man to the world ... but to me he is still my baby. It seemed like only yesterday I was still holding him in my arms nursing him. But now he stands a good head taller than me ... plus some.

I know when he is out there doing his thing on his own, my worries will begin again ... as to how is faring, if he is well and healthy, if he is eating well, if he is happy with friends, or if he is missing home. The worry starts again ...only this time it is on a different level.

He is excited to go, nay very eager. I must try not to dampen his spirits with my motherly melancholy.

And so ... go my son, and make your mark on God's earth. The world is at your disposal to help you achieve your goals and dreams. And your mom is always beside you, in your heart to pray for you and keep a watchful eye on you all along the way. Whenever you feel lost, alone or desolate, do not despair, just call on your Ummi, and I'll be there.

My Noble One, Ummi loves you as only a mother would understand. May Allah bless you at each and every step that you take. You have all my blessings and prayers.

Usher In A New Year

Yesterday, 18th December marked the new year 1431 Hijriah in the Muslim calendar. The pilgrims have started to return to their homeland.

I am just a science teacher, a wife, a mother of 2 boys, living in a small town near the capital of my country, working in an all boys' multiracial secondary school. I go to school in the morning, come back in the afternoon, rest a bit before I go fetch my boys from school in the evening. During the weekend, I try to meet up with my siblings. In my free time, I read, I blog, I write.

Just living an ordinary life. My family means the world to me; I enjoy being with my students. I contribute to my society wherever I can, in my own way.

I am a Muslim...and on this auspicious day...I just pray for peace - on God's earth; and peace of mind - for all! Ameen.

Of Long Lost Friends

Today, I received a message with a class photo when I was in Form Five. The reason my friend had sent me that photo is because we had just reconnected after 30 years and I, for the life of me, could place neither his name nor his face to my memory bank. Absolute blank...nothing. I bashed my brain but to no avail; until finally all I could do was, unabashedly asked if we belonged to the same class, and, if he had any photo from that time, if he could please send or show it to me.

He did.

And suddenly all the surge of memories came rushing back to me. And I got transported back to those yester years. It was such a nostalgic stroll back down memory lane. The familiar faces. Looking at friends who were closer to me then – jolted memories of jokes exchanged, pranks played and sadness shared living in a boarding school. So much fun then; I can almost hear the laughter and forbidden giggles, feel again the quiet infatuation of an awkward teenager, and the silent envy at the smarter ones in class.

So it is just too sad to even think how I could ever forget some of my classmates! But forget I did. Not until I was shown the photo again. I guess my memories of my final year in school just froze in time since then. In my mind, those friends whom I have not seen or spoken with since just stopped growing. There they stayed in my memory box as young 17-year-old teenagers. And as a gawky, shy teenager, I simply cannot believe it now that I hardly spoke to some of the boys; this particular friend included. So much so he said that it is good we were actually finally having a conversation. I totally agree with him ... better late than never.

Do I regret I was less friendly then? Regret – possibly not, because I knew then, as I know now that it was not out of unfriendliness, but more of being shy and possibly timid too. That was me back then. But I do feel that sense of “missing out on something” because of how I was then. Perhaps being a quiet, studious girl was rather intimidating to some friends of the opposite gender too. Who knows ... If I could turn back the clock, I would possibly reduce my overtly serious disposition and be bold enough to speak up when the situation called for it at that time. It is rather ironic considering I was in the School English Debating Team. One would have thought I would be such a bossy, loud-mouthed, argumentative girl then. (Phew...thank God I wasn’t!). But still, it is such a pity that as a result of that, I ended up not remembering some of my classmates.

One good thing though, I may have forgotten their names and not recognised them by how they look now, but when brought back again to those good old days, recognition is almost immediate, even though their names still slip my mind. Just goes to show me that, they are still there with me, inside of me ... all those dear long lost friends o’ mine.

Some close to me have passed on, may God bless their souls, and some have married each other. Whatever it is, now that I have been given this second chance of coming into contact with them, I can only pray, that this time I am a better friend to one and all.
To this particular friend who has jolted my memories again, THANK YOU 

Matters of the Heart

Every man has a key to his heart; and knowing his personality assists in identifying the right key to open it."

"Harmony ... We deal with hearts not bodies."

"Experience ... tells us that whenever you show people that you value and care fror them, you capture their hearts and are thus endeared to them."

"Our ability to capture people's hearts and win their love brings about great happiness in life."

"The first meeting imprints 70% of the impression that one has of a person on his mind. Thus, one should treat a person as if it is the first and last time he will ever meet him."
(quotes from Enjoy Your Life)

Of Holidays and Books

Hasan Al Banna said that to know a person look at the books on his shelf. I look at mine - and I see Islamic books, self-help and motivational books, books on teaching, on writing and novels. So I guess it is true what is said about a person's bookshelf. The books that fill my shelf pretty much sum up what I am and what my interests are.

I look at the books that fill my sons' rooms. Noble One's shelf is a full range of topics - hinting at his interest in vast areas. Mainly Islamic books fill the space, but there are also significant number of books on language (his interest in the academics of different languages), books on editing/journalism, books on photography, books on history ... only the odd novels,namely by two young uprising contemporary Malay writers. Yes, I can see his personality clearly from his collection of books. That while his interests are wide and varied, he is very much into good writing, and into improving himself as a Muslim. It is with interest that I note that just not too long ago, books on computer design and books on the different computer skills were the in-thing for him. So, I conclude that one's interest in reading changes over time as well.

As for my Witty #2, he never was much of a book reader in his primary days although he is an avid online reader. However, of late I realise that whilst he is not much into reading books; magazines and comics scatter his room - and those magazines and comic reflect his interest: weaponry and anime. Witty #2 is more the "action guy" and it does reflect in his choice of reading materials - quick reading, easy to follow practical instructions. Yesterday, I see another interest that is slowly blossoming in him - computer skills. In that sense, he has something in common with big brother I guess.

I write this blog because long school breaks give us this wonderful opportunity to enjoy a day's outing visiting different bookstores and getting our hands on books of interest as well as keeping updates with the latest publications. I am grateful that my boys are as much into reading as I was at their age. This is something that the boys and I share in common; something that I am very pleased about.

Indeed reading open up borderless frontiers to explore, the adventures take our breath away, the values learnt enrich our souls, and the sheer story telling alone take us on a ride of different emotions,leaving us ecstatic and satisfied at the end of the journey. A journey worth taking any time.

Above all, books bring my boys and I closer together, as we read to each other or tell each other what we have learnt.

For all this, I am forever grateful for the magic and beauty of books ... and reading.