ESRD & I - Time Running Fast

Spring was fast approaching – and I was engaged! It was just a simple understanding between my then suitor (later husband) and I. We had met at a common friend’s house and made the “taaruf”; something like a getting to know each other, asking questions about each other; even some personal ones. I was not one to lie about my condition; so I explained to him of my impending renal disease. He seemed to be able to accept it at that time. (later I learnt he had no idea what renal disease was!).
After our mutual agreement to be married, he had then called my father from Sheffield to ask his permission to marry me. I don’t really know until today what actually made my father gave his consent through the phone; without even checking him out first. I would like to think he trusted my judgment enough. Or perhaps it was the call I had made earlier.
For three months I had kept my medical condition secret from my family back home. However, when my husband proposed and we agreed we would be married in England itself, I knew I could not hide my illness from my parents any longer. Sadly until today I question the wisdom of my decision.
When I called Abah telling him about my renal condition, and that I was to be admitted into hospital soon, my father sounded cool enough. But I know him – strict and temperamental as he was, my father was a very emotional man where his children are concerned. Once when he visited my sister at the hospital, and the latter was in the hospital gown awaiting surgery, my father cried. When asked why he was crying, since it was just a minor operation, he had replied, he could not bear to see any of his children wearing the hospital clothing, like some social welfare case. So I was pleasantly relieved to hear his calm voice over the phone.
Alas, what I did not know then was that perhaps the shock to hear of my poor health, and being so far away from home was too much for him, for not long after, he suddenly could not walk again up till the day he died, in 1991.
And that is why regardless of my illness, or my upcoming marriage, I had to pass my finals and returned with a degree scroll. When I first went to boarding school (almost like a millennium ago), my father’s words of advice stuck in my mind never to be forgotten. He had said, “I don’t have any riches to pass down to you. The only wealth I have that I pass to you is my name...be proud of it, and make it your personal responsibility to care for the name you carry.”
I never forget that. All those years when I was in school and then at the university. It was a driving force for me, to excel in my studies. That was all I had to show how I appreciated my parents’ sacrifices for me. And I was not going to let my illness stop me from getting my degree.
The finals was in May, so I had to strive these last two months before my exams. My husband and I had decided to get married in April, and that was a month away.
I had to settle everything so that I could concentrate on my studies. It was time I got admitted for my renal biopsy.

(c) norhafizah manaf