Habibah was my best friend; having stayed in a boarding school, SMSS together since we were thirteen; and then for yet another five years in the UK. I knew she meant well. But she had no idea of the terrible headaches I have been suffering lately. And the finals were just around the corner. I needed to stay alert and focused; but the headaches were not allowing me to stay up to study. I had to pass the finals. I wanted to go home back to Malaysia!
“Its okay Bibs, I can handle this. I just need the painkillers to perk me up a bit more okay. Don’t worry about me.”
“But how many of those pills have you taken Fizah? That’s what you said when you were taking eight of them. How many today?”
“Twelve,” I whispered.
“What?” I watched as Habibah turned red in the face...she was not pleased!
“I don’t care Fizah, tomorrow you will get yourself to the University clinic and get a check up. And no arguing!”
Although Habibah and I were of the same age, and she was normally a mild natured woman, when she was in that mood, I would do well to leave her alone.
Still I had to present my case.
“It must be the grapes I ate over the weekend Bibs. You know me, I get drunk just from eating grapes ... I must be having a hangover right now,” I tried to joke.
It was a lame one. Habibah was not laughing.
So, it was decided I would be going to the University clinic the next day. On Monday, as it turned out, I had only one lecture. Soon after, I headed straight to the clinic in the university grounds.
It was the second time I had been there; the first being a visit to get my Rubella shot – university ruling. I waited anxiously for my name to be called. I never liked going to see the doctors, or going to the hospital for that matter. Hah! Little did I know that for the next few years, the hospital was to be my home.
When my name was called, I was ushered in by a kindly looking middle aged doctor, Dr. Tarsh. When I explained that I was having recurring terribly bad headaches, I was not surprised when she took my blood pressure.
What surprised both of us was that my blood pressure was soaring sky high! No wonder I was having those killer headaches. I remembered Dr Tarsh looking at me without saying a word for what seemed like eternity. The silence was giving me the shivers.
“Any individual below the age of twenty five should never have this kind of blood pressure reading, and you are just twenty two Miss Manaf. That’s saying there is something terribly wrong somewhere. I have only one suspect,” she finished off gravely. Still, she was not letting me in on what was on her mind.
“I want you to take a urine sample and we will see what it says,” she said, and rang the nurse to give me a urine sample bottle.
The results came back (what she did was urine FEME – a clinical test to check if there is any protein leak in the urine) showed my urine to have a protein count of ++++. Dr Tarsh shook her head.
“Just as I expected. You are having some kind of kidney problems and that is what that’s causing you the high blood pressure and headaches. You will need further tests immediately, so I am going to make a hospital appointment for you.”
Wait a minute! Kidney problems? My head was spinning fast. I had just learnt about kidney and osmoregulation in my physiology class. I had just learnt that when the nephrons of the kidneys are diseased or damaged, there is no repair. It is a degenerative condition. The only treatment was either long life dialysis or a renal transplant.
I remember screaming in my head all the way home. I had decided to walk in the cold wintry noon. I needed the cool air to think and assess my situation.
”I cant be having kidney problems...not now! I am in my final semester, and I need to do well in the most important exam in my life. My parents at home were waiting for me to come home with my success.
My parents! What do I tell them? The doctor had said she strongly suspected that probably both my kidneys were affected but she could not be sure. I had asked her what the options are for me if both my kidneys failed. She had mentioned a renal/kidney transplant. So how do I tell my parents I would require a kidney from either of them or from one of my siblings if I wanted to continue living.
I was not aware I had just been wearing a thin blazer over my ‘baju kurung’ all the way in the cold, slinging my winter coat over my shoulder. Only when I reached my flat about twenty minutes later did the cold sting my whole body. Nobody was home and I rushed straight to the toilet.
I looked at myself in the mirror – the blood slowly returning to my nose and cheeks. At the same time, the realisation was finally hitting home too.
I had kidney problems...pending total breakdown. My future was no longer certain. All my dreams, my hopes, my ambition ... now were on hold.
It was too much for me to take in, to digest. And then I remembered the prayer I should recite every time a calamity befalls me or if I hear of one.
“Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun”.
(From Allah we come, and unto Him we return).
I recited it slowly.
And thenI threw up.
(c)norhafizah manaf
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